Passion & Pain

Passion.

Comes & goes.
Remains {even when weakened} in tiny doses.
Even if only remaining as a faint memory.

Nothing can make it disappear.
Not loneliness or failure or defeat.
It does fade so, sometimes.
Like life slowly leaving your body…
The life that is your passion sometimes slips away.

For me, America does this.
And lies. And selfishness.
{Both my own & yours.}
America does this with her indifference & apathy,
With her sales that excuse indecency.
With money that allows murder.

But, Truth…
Truth brings passion to life even more.
Brings her from the darkness back into light.

When I get passionate, I can’t help but talk about how it brings me to life.
How Truth fills my heart with passion that calls me to action.
So, when I’m not supposed to, when you might be offended,
When the Truth that is His starts to cause discomfort & I’m taught not to share,
It fades.

Fades & fades until I wake up pinching myself to make sure the life I’m living is real.
Just needing to make sure I can still feel pain.
If I can’t feel pain, I must be dead.
If I don’t have passion, I feel dead.

Passion & Pain are real.

The absence of either causes a numbness that requires the return of one, or the other,
In order to know that one is still truly living.

So when passion is quieted by the bottom line, or hushed in the wake of expected normalcy,
She starts to fade like a memory you try so desperately to hold onto.
She turns and moves slowly in the other direction,
You beg to see her face, to see her turn & look your way.
You beg for just a moment more to have the joy {that comes with being lit up inside} fill you once again.
Just glance in my direction so I can feel alive once more?
But she’s gone.

Gone forever?
Lost completely?

It’s that moment in a film where everything’s dark
& the only sound we hear is the steady, lifeless sound of the heart monitor.
No rising or falling, just flat.
No feeling or breathing, just gone.

After awhile, there’s nothing left & a pinch won’t wake you from this numbness.

Then, through blinking eyes, we’re blinded by the hospital lights;
And there’s life.
Beeping that signifies the return of breath to the lungs & blood to the heart.

We can see her face.
It’s passion, she’s coming our way again.
Maybe not as bright as before.
But, real.
She is so real.
And beautiful.
And you can’t help but speak of her because,
After all, she’s given you breath again.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hear me:
I do not mean to idolize passion in a way that says,
“Passion is what gives us life.”
But rather, a way in which Jesus
Brings our hearts to life, brings our lives to their purpose,
Brings us closer to Him, sets us free from the burdens that would be
Too much if it weren’t for His freedom & Truth.

So let your heart feel the pain of this world,
Let yourself understand that you can make a change.
Let your mind grasp that you are responsible.
Let your passion lead you to where you are able to
Press your palms against the wounds of a broken & hurting world.

guest blogger: while the happy couple is “playing” in mexico

hello!

when lee anne and john asked me to be a guest blogger i couldn’t figure out for the life of me what i would write about. i have a photoblog but that is a little different from this. ha! let me start with lee anne….i have known her for a little over 2 1/2 years now. i think they have mentioned before that we met serving in africa together. (such a cool way to meet new friends, right?!!) when we came back to america we went our separate ways–lee anne went to orlando and i went back to austin. it was in our separation that we became best bosom friends. 🙂 there are a few things that i love about lee anne: her honesty, her openness, and her willingness to grow. the first time lee anne mentioned her “new friend” john, i could tell there was something special about him. lee anne got a little giggly whenever she talked about him and even though i couldn’t see her face, i knew she was wearing a big smile. john brought a lot of happiness into lee anne’s life. when they started dating/became engaged i was really impressed with how john lead lee anne–especially how he lead her spiritually. it was beautiful to witness john’s love expressed through his actions. he wanted to guard her heart, he wanted to pursue her, and he wanted to love her well. in novemeber i took some engagement photos of them in new york city and at that point john got my official “stamp of approval.” (as if lee anne needed that so late in the game! ha!)

being around the week of the wedding i loved watching lee anne and john’s interactions. i constantly saw this play out: lee anne would get stressed, john would patiently listen, they would hug and things would be hunky dory all over again. i realized that a HUGE reason why their relationship is (and will be) successful is because of their good communication! (get it!) besides that, their central focus is Jesus and i firmly believe that as each of them individually (and as a couple) grow closer to Jesus, the closer they will grow to one another. it’s a beautiful process.

enough writing. here are some shots from the week!

lots of love from a friend of the couple,

caryn