Joy {and my journey with her}.

Joy has returned to me, after what has been a gloomy several months.

Of course, there are so many factors that have me questioning her return…

Is it that I’ve become SO excited about the child growing in my belly?
Is it that I feel her movements? Is it that I’ve seen her?
Is it that I know she’s a she?
Is it that I again have people in my life who really want to know me?
Is it that I’ve been getting rest again? Is it that I’ve been sleeping in?
Is it that I realize the extent to which I’m blessed with an incredible husband?
Is it that I have people in my life who make me feel needed again?
Is it that I feel good because I’m healthier?
Is it that I feel good because I’m learning so much?
Is it that I feel good because I’m accomplishing things I never thought I would?

Is it that

{in being needed, in having people want to know me, in developing love for this little girl growing within me, in finding rest again, in being loved well by my husband, in learning &  taking action, in making strides in health,}
I’m now confident again that the best thing for me to be is me?

Is it that in all those things I’m reminded {the best thing for me to be is me} because He has a beautiful plan for me? Or because the best version of me is the one who remembers that I know true freedom, that Joy is my friend, that she has a home here in my heart?

This joy has teased me with little glimpses here & there for moments at a time, only to steal away when chaos has returned at a moment’s notice. But she is home again.
And I’m reminded of the ways in which she never left even amidst the sorrow that slowly settled in, threatening her territory.

Joy, you have a home in my heart.
Beauty, your love sets me free.
Truth, you truly satisfy me.
Love, help me in those moments I don’t believe.

The Whole Ultrasound Story.

I’m still in complete shock about our little baby.
We saw the little one wiggling on screen for us on Monday.
Baby Roque waved at us, wiggled little toes, sucked a thumb…
& it was the coolest moment of my whole life.
We saw a little heart beating oh-so-fast: 154 beats per minute.
We turned away from the screen as the sonographer typed the gender.
We anxiously waited as she wrote down,
“Congratulations, it’s a ……”

We took our envelope to the Brandon Mall, to Build-A-Bear.
We chose a bear. We explained our whole spiel to the lady who worked there.
We took two “record your own sound” boxes into the back room & we recorded:
“We love you, baby girl.” & “We love you, baby boy.”

We gave her both sounds & the envelope.
We went to make a birth certificate for the bear. We paid.
We got the bear (in the box) & went on our way.

We waited.
All day.
Seriously, like hours.

Then, we had our whole family piled into the living room.
My sister Laura on skype above the TV,
John, Dana, Papa Roque, my Dad,
James (shooting video of the whole thing), BJ, my Mom, Mama Roque, Peter & me.

We told them about our decision to find out the gender.
We told them about our plan to wait to find out until we could all find out together.
My Mom opened the box the bear was in.
Mama Roque took the bear out.
My Dad & Papa Roque prayed for our little one.
John made some jokes & then (FINALLY) pushed the button.
We heard:

We love you, baby…  Continue reading “The Whole Ultrasound Story.”