Great Expectations {Birth & other things}

It could be said of me that I set incredibly unrealistic expectations as my norm.
It’s kind of my way of life.
Miraculously, it works out sometimes.
But… A lot of times I end up completely overwhelmed because..
I.
just.
can’t.
do.
it.
ALL.

Perfect example?
I said I would write about all the vaccines in a helpful, informative, {as much as possible} unbiased way.
I don’t feel like I will ever accomplish that task. Though, I did complete all the research necessary to do so.

I’ve read & researched so many things since finding out I was pregnant.
I started with nutrition & moved on to medical things.
I know all about how devastatingly high the cesarean section rates are in our country {& how scary they are here in Florida}.

One thing I haven’t researched to death is one specific aspect of birth.
When my norm is to set too GREAT expectations… I want to have NO expectations as to how long labor & delivery “should” last.
I want to have no expectations of how it should feel, {though I’ve discovered there is little I can do to change my American mentality about the devastating, overwhelming, impossible pain of the process}.
I want to have no expectations as to what position I should be in when I deliver the baby.
{I have no idea what room in our home I’ll choose to deliver, or whether I’ll be lying down or not…}
I have no expectations as to what my emotional state will be.

I want to set the record straight about something:
I’m not super woman.
I’m not SO brave.
I’m not so strong or courageous.
I’m not so different than you…
Continue reading “Great Expectations {Birth & other things}”

Lyrics for my soul

{After I wrote the title of this post, I have to admit I thought of the cheesy 90’s book series: “Chicken Soup for the Soul.” Hopefully this post will not be that.}

My sweet husband has been learning new songs on the guitar from a list we’ve both been making

{okay, at least I’ve been making, per his request } of songs we’d like to sing to Baby Roquemore.

Tonight, he decided it was time to learn “How He Loves.”

I have to say, this is one of my all time favourite songs.
It always makes me sing as loud as I can. It almost always brings tears to my eyes.

The lyrics always help heal a part of my soul that’s been breaking.
I think it’s because it’s the thing that’s missing that I’m supposed to be rooted in, always.
What changes my life about Jesus & His gospel is this: broken as I am, awful as I am, He loves me.
He loves me so.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree…
Bending beneath the weight of His wind & mercy.
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory,
& I realize just how beautiful you are, & how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us. Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us so.

We are His portion & He is our prize,
drawn to redemption by the Grace in His eyes.
If Grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
& my heart turns violently inside of my chest.
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when
I think about, the Way

He loves us, whoa how He loves us.
Oh, how He loves us.

Well, I thought about You on the day Stephen died,
& You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
{These people, they} want to tell me You’re cruel.
But if Stephen could sing, he’d say it’s not true.
‘Cause He loves us. Whoa, how He loves us. Whoa, how He loves.

My heart is most at risk in the moments that I forget this.
My journey is most unworthy when I choose to let go of this truth.
This truth that sets my heart free to live and learn and be in His presence.