Written Oct 31, 2010.
Saved as a draft for way too long.
I am not jealous.
I have heard wives be envious of other men that were not their husbands.
I have heard this can be a temptation in marriage.
I have to say…
(And let me preface… I know, we’ve ONLY been married 10 months)
I do not envy in this way.
Not because I get butterflies when I see my husband’s smile. Not because he makes me weak in the knees…
My husband is honest & vulnerable with me.
My husband prays for me daily.
He prays for our daughter.
He praises God for so many things, being thankful for me, daily.
He helps me & is thoughtful.
He works hard to provide for his family as well as to create things he’s proud to have done.
He listens to me, even when I’m unable to verbalize what’s on my heart.
He reminds me that this love he has for me is not his, but that of my true bridegroom, Jesus.
He is purposeful with his actions.
He asks questions & seeks truth.
He pursues the best path for his family.
He has patience & grace with me in unimaginable ways.
He pushes through all of my impossibilities to show me that I’m worth unconditionally loving, and that that’s possible through Jesus.
He touches me in loving ways, tenderly expressing his affection for me.
He is intentional about making me smile & laugh as though it is the work of his day, the work of his life.
He plays this song for me on the guitar every night before bed:
Most of my life has been used to chase girls.
I’m 5 years old and I like two girls in my kindergarden class.
Names? Jennifer and Alexandria.
In the end Jennifer liked me back so that decided my first girlfriend…
And I’ve got the picture in line to prove our love (me rockin’ the red suit jacket and her in some frilly pink and white dress).
Since then I’ve used girls as my primary way of making me feel good about me. My mission was accomplished any way possible; using methods that included being the guy friend, the trusted advisor, the tease, funny guy and even studying really hard to make sure I looked like the good student I never was.
When I hit high school I was new to Florida and it didn’t take me long to go through several Christian “maybe girls” before landing on one who stuck. And almost four years later I got 4 days away from making a HUGE mistake for her and me. By the grace of God we didn’t get married and the next 18 months were a whirlwind of partying, working like crazy, avoiding true Gospel community/family and really anything that made the pain of facing the Truth disappear.
I never saw her coming….
Jesus brought Lee Anne into my life like a wave of grace.
She was everything my other girls weren’t: thoughtful, courageous, open hearted, probing, connected, full of character and most of all a fruitful-faithful-friend (borrowed from my friend Ted Sinn). Lee Anne broke my nice Christian girl mold – she was passionate and broken and wanted to talk about Jesus and His love for people, especially the hurting ones, all the time.
I wasn’t the choice husband material that a girl is looking for when she sets out to get married but at the same time Lee Anne wasn’t/isn’t a just get married because that’s what people do kind of girl anyway. And after lots of hurting and healing, I stumbled my way into the best life ever – way better than the one I had all planned out at 5 years old.
Just this morning I stood by our marriage bed and watched Lee Anne and our beautiful 3 month old baby Amelie – my heart was racing and it seemed like pure love was bursting out of every pore in my body. And all of this started with my stumbling and His amazing grace.