Romantic love fail – John on Marriage

Romance is a shaky foundation for marriage

Romantic love is the foundation upon which most relationships are built in our culture. Just turn on the TV and watch any show. The love stories always begin with two people looking to satisfy their emotional and physical and social urges through the opposite sex. We were brought up on boy meets girl and they fall into emotion/lust then want to keep feeling “this way” so they make small adjustments to stay together.

Listened to this series on Love and Marriage recently and it really challenged me that a different way is not only possible but necessary for us to have the healthy, stabile and ultimately satisfying marriages we long for. In this series, Voddie talks about the myth of romantic love and he is right on when saying that we have a very Greco-Roman approach to marriage, its about feelings and desires and not about the purposes of expanding His Kingdom through family.

Marriage must be built with purpose

Marriage must have a purpose. In Genesis we see our Creator making man and woman then giving them a reason to exist beyond just relatedness. Adam was to name the animals and expand the garden over the whole earth. This expantion was to be his work directly as well as the work of his children, which is where Eve comes in. She is the helpmate in both his creative task (naming the animals) and his practical task (expanding the garden, having children). Our purpose is to bring the Way of the Messiah, the good news of the freedom He offers, the design for His creation to the whole earth.

Where are the stories of man meets woman, man and woman assess each others character traits and readiness for marriage, man prepares his house (because he was already prepared emotionally and spiritually) then pursues woman into marriage? Where are the stories of man meets woman, man judges woman based on her ability to expand the mission man has for the Kingdom of Heaven, man pursues or abandons relationship based on her ability?

Now this is not even close to any relationship I have had, so don’t stop and spit in my blog face. My relationships were always the stumbling, selfish messes the kind that make for great celebrity headlines. Yet I hope. My daughter will likely be married (unless she is gifted with singleness for the Kingdom) and my longing for her to have a healthy marriage leads me to raise her expectations instead of lower them.

My marriage and my hope

My wife met me when I was broken yet somehow extremely arrogant (even though I moved home because I couldn’t afford rent). Still, my daughter can love a broken man without going through the pain I put my wife through time and again. Any boy that wants her hand needs to know I will hold him to the highest standard. The difference between me and some over-protective fathers? I will help him reach this standard, if he shows me that he understands that she is worth a lifetime of servant leadership. My standard isn’t perfection but a clinging to the Savior. If a potencial spouse is being changed, both in heart and action, toward being the image of Christ, then I am open to helping him (or her for any boys we might have) figure out and overcome any rough areas, like a mountain of debt.


Oh and romance? Plenty of romance once rings are on fingers AND without the baggage that we brought to our wedding day.

John and Lee Anne drinking wine
First date, still amazing that she wanted that mess


A long overdue letter to my favourite human being:
{For his 27th birthday, August 15th. The fourth time we’ve gotten to ring in his birthday together!}

It’s been 3 years since I got to wish you a happy 24th birthday at midnight.
It’s been 3 years since I first really wondered what would  become of our friendship,
clearly it was fated for more than either of us imagined.

I am so glad that I get to celebrate that I’ve gotten to spend 4 birthdays with you – and that I will get to spend the rest of them with you.
I am so glad that I get to look forward with great joy & growing anticipation to the many more years I get to see you growing into even more of the wonderful man God created you to be.

It has brought me immeasurable joy to see you be set free from vices, to become more confident in your convictions, more honest about your passions, more mature in your actions, more thoughtful in your creativity.
You are an inspiration to me.
You are a constant joy in my life.
You put the light in delight which has lit up my vocabulary;
You are more than I could have ever imagined a husband would be.
And you help me become more fully me.
You’ve helped me learn to be true to myself.
To speak up, to calm down, to love well & listen closely.
You’ve helped me to better see the people around me,
and you’ve loved me, freely.
You’ve given me love, for free.
You’ve given me love, abundantly.
You’ve given me love that sets me free.
You’ve given me courage to be me.

You’re strong & compassionate, loving & wise.
You’re my hero – by always telling me that you’re the villain in every story, you point me to the true hero – the one that rescued us both.

You are the courage behind my decision to finally have dreads,
You are the light to every photo that I take, pressing me onward to keep trying.
You are my rock in the difficult Mommy moments, reminding me of truth in love.

Happy {very, very belated} birthday, my sweet man.
You are better than I could’ve imagined – and I can’t imagine how much better you’ll be next year.

PS – I know, I haven’t even touched on what an amazing Daddy you are. You really, really are.