It’s become what I promised it wasn’t.

Yesterday, I realized that what I promised wasn’t procrastination had become just that.

In all my doubts about sharing my research about vaccines…
& how to best reveal my heart in the process,
& our conclusions about vaccines for our family,
I’ve gotten to a point where I, just, so don’t know how to begin that I’ve avoided it for the last week or two.

Also, I recently downloaded the 2009 VAERS report.
{Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System by the CDC}
After reading through about 1,200 of the 30,000+ cases, I got incredibly overwhelmed & haven’t done any reading/research since.

So, that’s where we are.

At first, I planned to write one all-encompassing post that briefly summarized my vaccine research as well as what our stance is & how we came to that conclusion.
Then I realized I needed to break it up into segments.
Then I thought, maybe it would be better for me to write one post per vaccine, plus an additional “our stance” post.

Now, I just don’t know where to start.
And, honestly, my heart and mind have become so overwhelmed in the midst of all this research that I haven’t wanted to dive into it, either.

Anyway, I promised.
I promised to share my resources & research.
I promised I wasn’t procrastinating, and now that I realize I am:  I must just face it & make it happen…

I fully intend to follow through with that promise.
Even if it has gotten overwhelming for me.

So, we’ll start with a vaccine that was the least controversial for me…

{Coming this week: The HPV Vaccine.}

A {Shared} Letter to my Love{r}.

Dear John,

I figure it’s been too long since I wrote you a letter.
And as much as I’d like to write you one on the typewriter,
I’m already on the computer, with a ‘new post’ tab open.
So, I figure I’ll just do it now instead of putting it off for later.

I’m so, so proud of you.
I’m so proud of your faithfulness to work a job that you don’t love.
To not just get by & do the minimum there, but to glorify God in the work He’s provided you with.
To succeed at your job in a way that provides for us, for me to get to stay home with our baby girl when she comes.
To excel in your job in a way that gives us bonuses that take care of the unexpected costs that come our way.
I’m so proud of you for focusing on your job but not ever losing sight of your passion.

I’m so proud of what a good listener you’ve become.

{I’m also so humbled by this, because I definitely struggle with that.}

I’m so proud of all the ways you’ve boldly, gently led me.
Especially when it comes to all the ways you’re so passionate about loving our children {starting with this one} the best we can.

I’m so proud of you for being a man that loves me so well, so consistently.
I’m so proud of you for reading about breastfeeding & for watching a documentary about birth.
I’m so proud of you for reading any book containing these words in the title: “for mother & baby.”
I’m so proud of you for gently, lovingly calling me to balance when my heart goes to the extreme.

I’m so proud of you every time you talk to our little girl, every prayer you pray, every song you learn on the guitar & sing to us.

I’m so proud of you for relying on Jesus to grow you into the man that He already sees you as.
I’m so proud of your ever growing heart.

You are the most wonderful gift I’ve ever been given, the best friend I’ve ever had, the most loving man I’ve ever met, and a more wonderful husband than I could have ever imagined.
You make every single day of my life so much more beautiful.

I love you, Bubba.
I can’t wait to see you holding our baby girl.

{I know, you can’t wait to hold her.}