Lyrics for my soul

{After I wrote the title of this post, I have to admit I thought of the cheesy 90’s book series: “Chicken Soup for the Soul.” Hopefully this post will not be that.}

My sweet husband has been learning new songs on the guitar from a list we’ve both been making

{okay, at least I’ve been making, per his request } of songs we’d like to sing to Baby Roquemore.

Tonight, he decided it was time to learn “How He Loves.”

I have to say, this is one of my all time favourite songs.
It always makes me sing as loud as I can. It almost always brings tears to my eyes.

The lyrics always help heal a part of my soul that’s been breaking.
I think it’s because it’s the thing that’s missing that I’m supposed to be rooted in, always.
What changes my life about Jesus & His gospel is this: broken as I am, awful as I am, He loves me.
He loves me so.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree…
Bending beneath the weight of His wind & mercy.
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory,
& I realize just how beautiful you are, & how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us. Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us so.

We are His portion & He is our prize,
drawn to redemption by the Grace in His eyes.
If Grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
& my heart turns violently inside of my chest.
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when
I think about, the Way

He loves us, whoa how He loves us.
Oh, how He loves us.

Well, I thought about You on the day Stephen died,
& You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
{These people, they} want to tell me You’re cruel.
But if Stephen could sing, he’d say it’s not true.
‘Cause He loves us. Whoa, how He loves us. Whoa, how He loves.

My heart is most at risk in the moments that I forget this.
My journey is most unworthy when I choose to let go of this truth.
This truth that sets my heart free to live and learn and be in His presence.

Joy {and my journey with her}.

Joy has returned to me, after what has been a gloomy several months.

Of course, there are so many factors that have me questioning her return…

Is it that I’ve become SO excited about the child growing in my belly?
Is it that I feel her movements? Is it that I’ve seen her?
Is it that I know she’s a she?
Is it that I again have people in my life who really want to know me?
Is it that I’ve been getting rest again? Is it that I’ve been sleeping in?
Is it that I realize the extent to which I’m blessed with an incredible husband?
Is it that I have people in my life who make me feel needed again?
Is it that I feel good because I’m healthier?
Is it that I feel good because I’m learning so much?
Is it that I feel good because I’m accomplishing things I never thought I would?

Is it that

{in being needed, in having people want to know me, in developing love for this little girl growing within me, in finding rest again, in being loved well by my husband, in learning &  taking action, in making strides in health,}
I’m now confident again that the best thing for me to be is me?

Is it that in all those things I’m reminded {the best thing for me to be is me} because He has a beautiful plan for me? Or because the best version of me is the one who remembers that I know true freedom, that Joy is my friend, that she has a home here in my heart?

This joy has teased me with little glimpses here & there for moments at a time, only to steal away when chaos has returned at a moment’s notice. But she is home again.
And I’m reminded of the ways in which she never left even amidst the sorrow that slowly settled in, threatening her territory.

Joy, you have a home in my heart.
Beauty, your love sets me free.
Truth, you truly satisfy me.
Love, help me in those moments I don’t believe.