My woman

After days of watching you feed our baby, clean and re-clean the house and engage friends new and old, I am in want. Wanting to be close to such an amazing human. Closeness is something we crave as a culture but often arrange our days to completely ignore. From the first moments of school we learn to “keep our hands to ourselves” and classrooms are set up to keep each student distant from the others in a clean grid.

Each time I look at you I see the desire of my heart. We found each other when we were in a raw place, vulnerable even when we didn’t mean to or want to be. The beginning of our story did a lot to create a passionate connection around our shared humanity. Nomsa formed in us a bond to serve as a way of life and see beyond stereotypes. But as with everything, the foundation is only just the start and the Matrix of modern living can seduce us with “stability.”

So this love letter is a passionate cry of desire

“I want you!!”

When we are physical in our marital passion we reenact the oldest human connection, man and woman. Two people – naked and unashamed – make for a retelling of the creation of the first human community. Before, when I was alone, even when I was lonely I couldn’t understand my NEED for a wife. Every morning I must relearn the reality of my need and then slowly grow in my understanding that sex is important. Not just two people enjoying pleasure but two people stripping down everything until only raw humanity is left.

Stripped and naked you are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. You are woman. My woman.

As I was sitting

This past week, I’ve been really sick.
It’s required me to do a lot of, uhm, sitting.
As often happens when I’m sitting down, I take notice of my posture.
It’s terrible.
I have horrific posture.

This morning, as I was sitting, I noticed it, again.
I sat up straight – as straight as possible for a person who never sits up straight.

I thought about it.
Why is my posture so terrible?
What affects posture? {…That would lead to my posture being so terrible.}

And then it occurred to me: confidence is key.
{As with so many things.}
We subconsciously associate good posture with confidence, and cowering, hunched over posture with fear or shame.

{I have had plenty of reasons to be fearful and shameful over the years.}

As I was sitting, I thought, God made me to be confident.
I thought about Adam & Eve, the first people, and what their posture might’ve looked like.
{And their transition from walking tall with God, in the Garden, to cowering in fear – hiding from Him, in their shame.}
It’s incredible how deeply – and even physically – our sin affects us.

As I was sitting, I thought, God made me to be confident.
I’ve read the many children’s books on this subject.
I’ve known it to be true.
But I don’t know that I’ve thought about how significant
it IS. Have you?

The same One who created the beautiful stars I deeply admire, the endless ocean which always inspires, the flowers so intricate & tiny, and ALL things.
He took the time to create me.
He took the time to think of all the little quirky ways I’d do things, and He wrote them like poetry into my DNA.
He took the time to give me – of all people – the unique perspective on things that I have.
He took the time to give me these oddly colored green eyes.
He thought of me.
It wasn’t a mindless, factory sort of manufacturing of people.
It was an artist, bleeding over, pouring over, pouring into, focusing on, searching for, and creating His masterpiece.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do good things which he planned for us long ago.
Ephesians 2:10

I’ve often struggled to see my own worth; I’ve given to letting insecurity be my place of residency.
But what if I let it resonate in my soul that the Creator of ALL things good took the time to create me?
And that He thinks I am good. That He calls me His masterpiece?
Well, that changes everything.