It’s not procrastination, I promise.

John pointed out that I’m no longer writing a blog post {or even series of blog posts}
but that I’m writing what’s clearly turned into a research paper.

I want to give good, solid information.

I have to admit that it’s very hard to do.

It’s hard because I’ve spent the last 3 months doing research on this topic.
2 books, hundreds of articles {as well as opinionated blog posts, etc.}, and the 2009 VAERS report.
{32,813 vaccine adverse event reports from patients, family members & medical professionals.}

It’s also really difficult to share because it absolutely breaks my heart.
I’ve had to put down the books or close the case reports several times to stop crying.

One of the  things I learned in Africa

{and subsequently in working with the homeless here in USA}

was that I must not ever forget that every statistic & number that’s presented as fact hides a name & a face.
A person with a story & a heart, a person with fears & dreams.

{A person’s a person no matter how small, right?}

I quickly learned with AIDS patients & with the homeless
– people so easily cast off with statistics, because statistics don’t have faces & stories –
that for my heart to stay loving, for my mind to stay present with the real problem,
I had to always remember that there are faces behind those statistics.

That’s a great thing.
Until you give me these kinds of staggering statistics.
Because it just shatters my heart.
It brings me to a hopeless place.
And, most often, then brings me to Jesus because that’s where my hope is found.

But nothing changes how devastating the thought is of moms losing their babies, of the cases where vaccines resulted in autism, etc.

So… I’ve wanted to give really good, solid facts.
I’ve wanted to better understand the whole picture of each vaccine, so as to give the best information possible.
I’ve wanted to have varying dependable resources.
And, I’ve gotten those things.

But it’s just incredibly difficult to know where to even start to describe and summarize all the things I’ve learned.
It’s not made any easier by the fact that I’m a very passionate person – and that my heart just wants me to beg everyone I know to thoroughly research before making a decision.

Also – I’m pregnant. So my dreams these days are vivid & intense.
And I’m ready to write all these things & rid my heart of the turmoil so I can stop dreaming about babies with adverse vaccine reactions.

I promise it’s on the way.
I’m not putting it off.

If you’re going to read the vaccine posts, I ask this:
– Read all of them.
– Read every word of them.
– Bear with me as I stumble through this & try to explain what I’ve found.
– Bear with me as they’ll be LONG posts.

And remember,
I’m not writing any of this because I’m on a mission to prove that it’s terrible for parents to vaccinate {or anything like that}.
I’m writing it because I’ve taken the time to read & research and because a LOT of people have asked me to share what I’ve found, as well as explain why we personally made the decision we have about vaccines.

That is all.
We’ll be getting down to business soon… I hope.

Life as of late.

In case you missed out in all the Facebook updates, two of my most awesome girl friends were here this past week – Jen & Caryn. We spent 6 months in Africa together. Jen’s from Pennsylvania, Caryn’s from Texas.

We spent 2 days at the beach, which were great.
Except that I can’t lay on the beach comfortably…
Can’t lay on my back without it hurting, can’t lay on my belly without this bulge in the way.

It’s crazy to think that the next time I see these ladies I’ll be a mom.
I’ll have a little girl.
Crazy.

Friday, John & I will drive to Atlanta to see my sister before she leaves for California.
It’s crazy to think that the next time I see her, I’ll be a mom.
A MOM.

Mom is just a category I can’t imagine I’ll be in so soon.
But, I am oh-SO-excited.

We had so many wonderful & exciting conversations over the past 2 weeks.
I don’t know if I mentioned that other friends visited us the previous weekend: Drew & Kadi.

So great to have community around that we’re free to share our hearts with; so beautiful to be challenged in the way we think, live & love.

I want to write about many of those conversations, so I think I will.