My Dream Home

I don’t have dreams about a fancy home
I don’t fantasize about specific styles, neighborhoods, fences, or pets
I don’t dwell on decoration. {In pretty much any aspect of life.}
I don’t find myself daydreaming about paint colors or fabric swatches

I do, often, catch myself dreaming about church.
Now, I will be the first to admit that it is literally an act of God to get me out of bed & into church on many Sunday mornings. So, stick with me.

I find myself dreaming about a church community that I could call home.
A place where I would connect to people, deeply, and all our conversations would ultimately be about how it is that we can best live in the light of His truth, in every aspect of our lives. That His glory would shine through us so that decoration isn’t necessary.
I find myself dreaming about a church community where the sounds of children are not only welcome, but are cherished.
I find myself dreaming of a church that doesn’t shy away from the controversial topics, but leans into a discussion that has the goal of seeking truth together.
I catch myself fantasizing about a community where people believe everything is spiritual.
That God’s design is truly sacred, and valuable.
That His command for us to care for His creation is not empty & void, but full of ways to give us more life.

I dream that this community would be such that people are not made to feel insignificant, but valued. That the number of people in the crowd is of no consequence, but rather, that the connection, the vibrance of the community is what is measured & what is challenged to grow.

I dream that this church would use every resource available to better the precious creation around them. That they would seek out children who have no families, and be part of healing their hearts & redeeming their stories forever. I dream that this church would take hold of the responsibility we have to seek out ways to help, ways to provide, ways to love radically in a way that shocks the culture around us.

I find myself dreaming these dreams and waking, aching for it to be real.

I remember coming back to America from India, from Africa, and having momentary bouts of collapse… Feeling as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest in a way that I never dreamed could feel so real. I remember a conversation, with my then friend, John, who told me that I would & should always ache for home. And that some places will feel more at home than others – when I am most connected to my Creator – but that my home is not this world… that it’s a good sign that I would ache for home.

And, oh, I ache for home.
I ache for these dreams to be real.
I long for these hopes of heaven on earth.


What do you dream of when you feel the tension & longing for heaven?

Random Thought Thursday

This morning, I posted “Passion & Pain.”
Then, I realized it’s Thursday.
So, “Passion & Pain” will be posted at 9 am tomorrow.
In keeping with the new RTT tradition.

Random Thought Thursday

on Home
We’re {hopefully} getting our new dresser today.
I’m so grateful we saved some of our gift cards from the wedding.
{They’re coming in handy as we take on new projects & make home more homey.}

on Age
I realized today that I’m only 23.

{BIG shocker, I know. You’d think that my last birthday would’ve tipped me off.}
23 feels really young to me to be having a baby.

on Charity
I’ve started to have a harder & harder time doing what we do at Nomsa. 
Because many of the people who come to serve miss the point –  that it’s never about the food. 
Food, clothes, & shelter don’t even begin to solve the problem of poverty or homelessness. 
It’s a heart thing, it’s a community thing.
The disconnect between my heart & vision for Nomsa and what becomes the ‘norm’

{Because of the indifference of our consumer capitalist culture} 
creates in me a restless discontentment with the way things are.

Here’s a GREAT video on that:

on Community
I talked on the phone with an awesome new friend for nearly two hours yesterday.
I didn’t multitask, I focused on conversation.
And it was fantastic.{Normally, I hate talking on the phone.}
Later when I realized I still had a LOT on my to-do-list, I didn’t feel I’d been unproductive.
I felt I’d been productive, I felt that conversation comforted and restored my soul a bit.
I love how Jesus uses community to restore our hearts like that.

on Pregnancy
Most days I feel huge with this growing belly.
Today, I woke up & forgot, for just a moment, that I had this baby bump.
We found out that our insurance covers home birth. Interesting discovery.
I’m carefully considering the folks that I’d like to present at the time of Baby Roque’s arrival.
{Where ever, whenever that might be.}

on Dreams

I keep having strange dreams.
About sharks swallowing John whole & then his escape through their lungs
{No, I haven’t been watching shark week. We don’t have cable.}
About plays where I’m a main character whose role is switched at the last moment, lines & scenes I’m not familiar with, a costume that I’ve never worn.
About random people I haven’t seen in a long time.
About being in a shower full of spiders.

I’ll end there.
A shower full of spiders is about as random as it gets.