Great Expectations {Birth & other things}

It could be said of me that I set incredibly unrealistic expectations as my norm.
It’s kind of my way of life.
Miraculously, it works out sometimes.
But… A lot of times I end up completely overwhelmed because..
I.
just.
can’t.
do.
it.
ALL.

Perfect example?
I said I would write about all the vaccines in a helpful, informative, {as much as possible} unbiased way.
I don’t feel like I will ever accomplish that task. Though, I did complete all the research necessary to do so.

I’ve read & researched so many things since finding out I was pregnant.
I started with nutrition & moved on to medical things.
I know all about how devastatingly high the cesarean section rates are in our country {& how scary they are here in Florida}.

One thing I haven’t researched to death is one specific aspect of birth.
When my norm is to set too GREAT expectations… I want to have NO expectations as to how long labor & delivery “should” last.
I want to have no expectations of how it should feel, {though I’ve discovered there is little I can do to change my American mentality about the devastating, overwhelming, impossible pain of the process}.
I want to have no expectations as to what position I should be in when I deliver the baby.
{I have no idea what room in our home I’ll choose to deliver, or whether I’ll be lying down or not…}
I have no expectations as to what my emotional state will be.

I want to set the record straight about something:
I’m not super woman.
I’m not SO brave.
I’m not so strong or courageous.
I’m not so different than you…
Continue reading “Great Expectations {Birth & other things}”

It’s not procrastination, I promise.

John pointed out that I’m no longer writing a blog post {or even series of blog posts}
but that I’m writing what’s clearly turned into a research paper.

I want to give good, solid information.

I have to admit that it’s very hard to do.

It’s hard because I’ve spent the last 3 months doing research on this topic.
2 books, hundreds of articles {as well as opinionated blog posts, etc.}, and the 2009 VAERS report.
{32,813 vaccine adverse event reports from patients, family members & medical professionals.}

It’s also really difficult to share because it absolutely breaks my heart.
I’ve had to put down the books or close the case reports several times to stop crying.

One of the  things I learned in Africa

{and subsequently in working with the homeless here in USA}

was that I must not ever forget that every statistic & number that’s presented as fact hides a name & a face.
A person with a story & a heart, a person with fears & dreams.

{A person’s a person no matter how small, right?}

I quickly learned with AIDS patients & with the homeless
– people so easily cast off with statistics, because statistics don’t have faces & stories –
that for my heart to stay loving, for my mind to stay present with the real problem,
I had to always remember that there are faces behind those statistics.

That’s a great thing.
Until you give me these kinds of staggering statistics.
Because it just shatters my heart.
It brings me to a hopeless place.
And, most often, then brings me to Jesus because that’s where my hope is found.

But nothing changes how devastating the thought is of moms losing their babies, of the cases where vaccines resulted in autism, etc.

So… I’ve wanted to give really good, solid facts.
I’ve wanted to better understand the whole picture of each vaccine, so as to give the best information possible.
I’ve wanted to have varying dependable resources.
And, I’ve gotten those things.

But it’s just incredibly difficult to know where to even start to describe and summarize all the things I’ve learned.
It’s not made any easier by the fact that I’m a very passionate person – and that my heart just wants me to beg everyone I know to thoroughly research before making a decision.

Also – I’m pregnant. So my dreams these days are vivid & intense.
And I’m ready to write all these things & rid my heart of the turmoil so I can stop dreaming about babies with adverse vaccine reactions.

I promise it’s on the way.
I’m not putting it off.

If you’re going to read the vaccine posts, I ask this:
– Read all of them.
– Read every word of them.
– Bear with me as I stumble through this & try to explain what I’ve found.
– Bear with me as they’ll be LONG posts.

And remember,
I’m not writing any of this because I’m on a mission to prove that it’s terrible for parents to vaccinate {or anything like that}.
I’m writing it because I’ve taken the time to read & research and because a LOT of people have asked me to share what I’ve found, as well as explain why we personally made the decision we have about vaccines.

That is all.
We’ll be getting down to business soon… I hope.