Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?

This was found in the drafts section….
{There are like, 90 drafts. I may have to go back through all of those. Thanks to John for encouraging that.}
My current feedback about this post follows it.

9:59am
08 October, 2009

John Roquemore,
My future husband (Only 85 days away).
I fall more in love with you every day.
My respect and admiration, love and adoration for who you are as a man as well as who you are as His child increases constantly.
I know that I am loved by you. I know that I am loved by Him who makes love possible.
I am so blessed that you love me – that I get to be with a man who I KNOW has a heart to lead me to Jesus and really be willing to be ‘those crazy people.’ Those crazy people who carry their babies in cloth wrapped around their bodies, who don’t use birth control or ‘plan’ their family. Those crazy people who just keep having babies; those crazy people who open their home to let all kinds of people in. Those crazy people who have 5 shades of children.
Those crazy people that talk about Jesus like he’s part of their family (because He is).
You, my love, are part of His complete work in my life, and I am completely reassured and at peace about that in this very moment more than I’ve ever been about anything.
Oh, Jesus; He’s so good, so loving, so perfect.
Oh, Jesus; that He gave me you.
Oh, Jesus; that I’d give you right back to Him everyday.

My husband.
You’re going to be my husband.
Maybe we’ll have a baby in a year and a half. Maybe five. (Years, not babies.)

No matter who: they are, boy or girl, birthed or adopted, we’ll trust Him, we’ll surrender to Him, we’ll celebrate.
No matter what: the circumstances are, we’ll know it’s part of His complete plan for our lives, we’ll know He’s especially fond of us and baby Roquemore and baby next and next and next.
No matter when: if we get pregnant on our honeymoon or 2 years later, or if we’re never able to have our own children – we’ll trust that He’ll give us the family He wants us to have in His perfect timing.
No matter where: we are in this world, we’ll know that we’re in His hands.
No matter why: anyone else disagrees, speaks harshly or sarcastically about this path we’ve chosen, we’ll be confident in our conviction.
No matter how: (well, we know how it’ll happen), no matter how long it takes, no matter how He brings it about, we’ll know, yet again, He’s got us right where He wants us to bless us, grow us, teach us, lead us, love us (and our babies).

Sweet man, I am honored to join you in this journey. I delight in your presence; I delight in pursuing Him with you.

With all the love he’s given me to give away,
Your future wife.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This post was incredible for me to read now, almost 18 months later.
Especially in the context of Amelie Rose Roquemore. Our little surprise baby.
Also interesting, because we did decide it would be wise for us to “plan” our family to some extent.
{Which, for us, looked like the use of condoms. Well, of course except for that one time… Enter: Amelie.}

One small step…

Monday, March 28, 2011

2 days ago, I called the Florida Baptist Children’s Homes.
It was on my to do list all last week.
I would consistently get busy with other things and forget to call.
Or, I’d remember to call & get all nervous about what I’d say.
Or I’d get nervous about the possibility of getting nervous once I got on the phone.
So, of course, I’d always remember that it was DEFINITELY TIME to call at ten minutes after five.
Daily.

Saturday, when I realized I didn’t call, I decided it didn’t matter.
I couldn’t keep forgetting, procrastinating, nervously talking myself out of calling.
{Especially since SO MANY of the moments spent procrastinating the call were moments spent talking about the desire to adopt kids.}
Certainly their voicemail would have information, or an option to leave a message.

So I called.
And I left a message.
Something along the lines of:
“Hi,mynameisleeanneroquemore.
That’s R-O-Q-U-E-M-O-R-E. Myphonenumberis———-. MyhusbandandIarereallyinterestedinadopting.
I’dlovetogetinformationonhowtostarttheprocess,asksomequestions,etc.

Pleasegivemeacallatyourearliestconvenience.Myphonenumberis———-.Again,that’s———-.Ilookforwardtohearingfromyou.Thankssomuch.Haveaniceday.”

Note the spacing of the words.
Because, when I get nervous, I talk really fast.
And high-pitched.
So, I’m sure the voicemail was inaudible except for the part where I slowed down to spell my last name.
I also imagine they were able to make out the phone number because I left it on there. Three times.

I assume all these things because this afternoon, when my phone rang & I fully expected it to be Lakeland Toyota, calling to tell me about an awful amount of money I’d have to spend on the car, it wasn’t. It was a sweet lady from the Florida Baptist Children’s Homes.

I went into superfasttalkinghighpitchednervous mode again, I think.

There was no application process for having Amelie – in fact, we hadn’t planned on the timing of her arrival.
No one else had a say, at all, in whether or not she got to be our daughter.
No one evaluated our home, our personality, our psyche, our income, our age, or our anything.
We just got to be parents. {It’s a little too easy, if you ask me. 😉 – Only mildly joking.}

But here I am, talking to someone who possibly has the potential to decide something major that affects the rest of my life, my husband’s life, my {so far} only child’s life, and my {hopefully soon-to-be} future children’s lives.

Should I be telling her how much my husband and I love kids?
And that we want lots of them?
And, yes, our daughter is only 3 months old, but see… we don’t want any of our kids to really know life without siblings, and especially without siblings that we adopted…
Should I be telling her that I’m only 23, and I haven’t finished college, and I’m completely inadequate, but somehow God’s given me this unimaginable desire to adopt kids?
Should I mention that I’ve worked in orphanages in Africa & India? Should I mention that I work with the homeless in Orlando?
Should I tell her that I really do love Jesus, even if I’m a total slacker at reading the Bible some days? And that’s the most important goal of the next year, for me?
Should I ask how soon we need to move in order to accomodate for the space for another child?
Should I mention that we’d really like to adopt an older child because we know the depth of that need, but right now isn’t the right time for that for our family, so we’d like to adopt a baby? Like, a little baby? Do you think that’s possible? Are there enough people that want babies that are otherwise ‘unwanted’ that we shouldn’t get on that list? Is that betraying those older children?
Should I mention that I’d like to adopt a little baby that I could nurse? A little baby I could nurse who’d never experience such an awesome bond otherwise?
Is it possible I could mention {and hopefully reassure her} that I’m not actually a crazy person, I just seem like one on the telephone when talking to people who could: change.my.life.forever?
Should I avoid mentioning that my husband is out of town for work? He doesn’t travel often. I don’t want her to think he travels often.

Whew. Hopefully it’s evident why I went into superfasthighpitchednervous mode.

Fortunately, I don’t think I mentioned {most of} those things.
And she seemed happy to take my information in order to send me some information on where to start with all this.
Of course, I haven’t received anything yet.
Of course,
it’s.
only.
been.
9.
hours.

This long, messy post to share that we’ve taken the first {small} step of many toward meeting the next member of our little {but not for TOO long} family.