One small step…

Monday, March 28, 2011

2 days ago, I called the Florida Baptist Children’s Homes.
It was on my to do list all last week.
I would consistently get busy with other things and forget to call.
Or, I’d remember to call & get all nervous about what I’d say.
Or I’d get nervous about the possibility of getting nervous once I got on the phone.
So, of course, I’d always remember that it was DEFINITELY TIME to call at ten minutes after five.

Saturday, when I realized I didn’t call, I decided it didn’t matter.
I couldn’t keep forgetting, procrastinating, nervously talking myself out of calling.
{Especially since SO MANY of the moments spent procrastinating the call were moments spent talking about the desire to adopt kids.}
Certainly their voicemail would have information, or an option to leave a message.

So I called.
And I left a message.
Something along the lines of:
That’s R-O-Q-U-E-M-O-R-E. Myphonenumberis———-. MyhusbandandIarereallyinterestedinadopting.


Note the spacing of the words.
Because, when I get nervous, I talk really fast.
And high-pitched.
So, I’m sure the voicemail was inaudible except for the part where I slowed down to spell my last name.
I also imagine they were able to make out the phone number because I left it on there. Three times.

I assume all these things because this afternoon, when my phone rang & I fully expected it to be Lakeland Toyota, calling to tell me about an awful amount of money I’d have to spend on the car, it wasn’t. It was a sweet lady from the Florida Baptist Children’s Homes.

I went into superfasttalkinghighpitchednervous mode again, I think.

There was no application process for having Amelie – in fact, we hadn’t planned on the timing of her arrival.
No one else had a say, at all, in whether or not she got to be our daughter.
No one evaluated our home, our personality, our psyche, our income, our age, or our anything.
We just got to be parents. {It’s a little too easy, if you ask me. 😉 – Only mildly joking.}

But here I am, talking to someone who possibly has the potential to decide something major that affects the rest of my life, my husband’s life, my {so far} only child’s life, and my {hopefully soon-to-be} future children’s lives.

Should I be telling her how much my husband and I love kids?
And that we want lots of them?
And, yes, our daughter is only 3 months old, but see… we don’t want any of our kids to really know life without siblings, and especially without siblings that we adopted…
Should I be telling her that I’m only 23, and I haven’t finished college, and I’m completely inadequate, but somehow God’s given me this unimaginable desire to adopt kids?
Should I mention that I’ve worked in orphanages in Africa & India? Should I mention that I work with the homeless in Orlando?
Should I tell her that I really do love Jesus, even if I’m a total slacker at reading the Bible some days? And that’s the most important goal of the next year, for me?
Should I ask how soon we need to move in order to accomodate for the space for another child?
Should I mention that we’d really like to adopt an older child because we know the depth of that need, but right now isn’t the right time for that for our family, so we’d like to adopt a baby? Like, a little baby? Do you think that’s possible? Are there enough people that want babies that are otherwise ‘unwanted’ that we shouldn’t get on that list? Is that betraying those older children?
Should I mention that I’d like to adopt a little baby that I could nurse? A little baby I could nurse who’d never experience such an awesome bond otherwise?
Is it possible I could mention {and hopefully reassure her} that I’m not actually a crazy person, I just seem like one on the telephone when talking to people who could:
Should I avoid mentioning that my husband is out of town for work? He doesn’t travel often. I don’t want her to think he travels often.

Whew. Hopefully it’s evident why I went into superfasthighpitchednervous mode.

Fortunately, I don’t think I mentioned {most of} those things.
And she seemed happy to take my information in order to send me some information on where to start with all this.
Of course, I haven’t received anything yet.
Of course,

This long, messy post to share that we’ve taken the first {small} step of many toward meeting the next member of our little {but not for TOO long} family.