Why, Jesus

I’ve been asked a few times lately,
{and I’ve got to give an extended answer in front of a group next week}
So I thought it was worth writing about.
And I’ve thought that many times before.
So, here we are.
I have no idea, yet, where we’ll go from here.
And it may be a long journey.
But, I think it should be an interesting one {it has been, for me, so far}.
So, if you like, join me.
{But either read all of it, or stop reading. right now.}
Otherwise… click >>>

I’ve been asked by a couple of people lately, “Why Jesus?” from the place of… ‘you seem like a rational, logical human being. You seem intelligent… Just, why?’
And by a couple of others… ‘Is it an inherited belief because of your parents?’

Last night, as I was being interviewed by a filmmaker who’s doing a documentary on homelessness in America, I was asked about why I do what I do with Nomsa.
“Jesus.” I said.
There’s this verse in 1 John 4 that says “We love because He first loved us.”
And that’s true.
In the sense that He has loved me well, and I then want to love others.
And in the sense that I have the ability to love because He created love.
And in the sense that I have love to give because He first gave me love….

I see divinity all around me, because I see beauty all around me.
I see divinity in the beauty of Amelie’s smile. I see divinity in the beauty of sunshine.
I see divinity in the design of the human body.
I see divinity in the incredible design of the female body to produce babies.
I see divinity in the instincts that lead us if we let them.
I see divinity in the organization and purpose of ants.
I see it in friendships. I see it in the perfect design of intimacy {both closeness with another, emotionally, and closeness with another, physically.}
I see it in laughter and in sorrow.
I see it so clearly in moments of empathy, and therefore, compassion.

I also know, firsthand, the corruption & self-centeredness of humanity. {As well as the beauty.}
I know it from the experiences I’ve had, things as complicated and awful as rape and as simple and seemingly harmless as harsh words.
Most of all, though, I know it from the general direction of my heart.
The general direction of my heart is to center the rest of the world around my self.
To control, to manipulate, to deceive, to impress, to own, to lie, to define.
There are all these little ways each day that I work so hard to center the rest of the world around me.
And the anger & pain that comes when something varies from what I’ve planned that it will be just shows
how absolutely selfish I am, in every way.

I see divinity in the beauty of selflessness – so do you.
Our hearts break, our eyes fill with tears, our artist souls get inspired by selfless acts.
That’s what we love about rescue.
It’s what we love about love.
{Think about it. I feel most loved when my husband puts my priorities in front of his own. When someone else sacrifices in order to show me that I matter.}

But the tension is in the gap.
There’s this huge gaping black hole of imbalance between the moments where I act selflessly and the rest of my life that’s spent trying to put me at the center.
{You, too, by the way. I know you’re selfish. You know you’re selfish.}

The truth is, in my moments of selflessness, it’s pure divinity.
It’s a divine miracle since the aim of my heart is to make the world about me.
My selflessness is only, ever, Jesus in me.

And that’s why Jesus is for me.

That, and the fact that He made me.
And then, I went my own way. I chose me, first, all ways & always.

And I fought my parents. And I yelled & screamed & hated them.
I hated them for the faith I didn’t have. I hated them for how much they wanted good things for me.
I hated God for the things that happened to me.
{Because, after all, the world & all of creation is about me, remember.}
I started becoming whoever anyone wanted me to be. A total follower… following whoever was willing to lead me. {Except for The Good Shepherd. Ironically, because who’s a better leader than a shepherd?}
{So it’s not their faith. Though it certainly shaped me.}

I don’t have to stop thinking, or turn off the logical part of myself to believe in God.
In fact, it’s when I am the most sane and the most logical that He is the most real to me.

{PS – This is the beginning of the explanation of why I chose Jesus. Idunno if there will be blog posts to follow, I just mean that it’s more than just that. But it’s also as simple as that.}

2 thoughts on “Why, Jesus”

  1. Thank you.. as my head searches to put down my heart in words, as I try to comprehend how I can explain to a friend, what words to say, how do you even put down on paper all that you’ve learned in a year of intensive research, much less a life long journey.. so good to be encouraged.. well said friend.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s