Amelie’s Birth Story, Part 3: A second look.

Amelie’s Birth Story, Part 3: A Second Look.

12 Mar, 2011

I know the question you want to ask me.
You want to ask me if I’d change it.
Well, I have an honest answer.
I wouldn’t.

65+ hours of labor with no medication, posterior position causing intense back pain, only to end up with a c-section at the hospital.

My labor was perfect.
It was beautiful.
I was surrounded with people who were for me.
People who prayed with me & quoted scripture with me.
People who believed what I do about birth, people who trust in God’s design.
I wouldn’t change it.
Knowing the ending, I’d still vomit, cry, rock, bounce & pray my way through those three days.

Our culture, as a general rule, doesn’t value work. We don’t value hard labor.
{And I certainly don’t just mean labor that leads to delivering a baby.}
But in the Bible, we are clearly shown the value of laboring for the glory of the Lord.

I can’t tell you how many times in the days that followed Amelie’s birthday how many times I was asked how long I was in labor, and how many times the following question was added… “HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!”
It was only Jesus.
I remember a moment on the first day that I heard sirens close by & I briefly entertained the thought that I’d like them to come get me, because I just didn’t think I could do it.
Very shortly after that, John began his mini sermons during my contractions: “You can do ALL things through Christ who gives you strength.”

So, I worked, really hard.
I labored through bucket after bucket of vomit.
And not to my advantage, but for the life of someone else {Amelie}.
And to His glory.
And I’m forever grateful that He put a desire in my heart to trust in His design,
I’m forever grateful that He gave me the strength to push through for 3 days.
I’m forever grateful that He provided a husband & team of support that was perfect for my circumstances.
I’m forever grateful that He provided my parents who, no doubt, never stopped praying as they anxiously awaited updates for 3 days.

I’m also forever grateful that I still believe that the way Amelie entered this world is not how anyone should.

====================

I’m angry that I was given no options at the hospital.
I’m angry that I didn’t fight the OB who was at the end of her day.

I’m so, so angry and hurt that I lost the first hour of my baby’s life.
That I wasn’t the first person to hold her. That I didn’t see her, naked & new, in her first moments.
I’m so, so angry and hurt that I  didn’t see her first poop or comfort her first cry.
My heart breaks that I wasn’t the first one to see her face, that I wasn’t the first one she saw.
I’m devastated that the first time she reached for me, I wasn’t there for her.

And that’s where I am.
That’s all I’ve got, right now.
So, those of you who read my blog, be patient as I think through approaching Amelie’s Birth Story, Part 4: a conclusion.

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