Missing; Treasure.

I miss Africa.
And my hoop nose ring.

I miss dancing with John in the middle of anywhere, music or not.
I miss laughing uncontrollably with Lindsey.
I miss all sorts of adventures with “little brother” David.
I miss that “coming home” feeling I got every time I walked into CityChurch.
I miss the confidence & security that allowed me to be the kind of person who earned the nickname of the hug-lady.
I miss being the person who was given a name that means open heart.
I miss writing more often.

I miss everything about Calcutta, India.
I already miss when Amelie was so tiny.
I miss when her absolute favourite place was asleep on my chest.
I miss feeling her little kicks in my belly.
I miss dreaming & hoping for a beautiful birth.

I miss having more hope than I do now.
About big things, small things, world-changing things, irrelevant things.

HOWEVER…

I treasure the life lessons that will always be with me from my months in Africa.
I treasure that I confidently, proudly wore my nose ring & tried that very new thing.

I treasure the familiarity John & I have now, I treasure the comfort & enjoyment we have in a moment’s silence alone together at the end of the day.
I treasure the memories of silliness that deeply amused me in my younger days.
I treasure that he’s grown into {even if it’s away from me} a wiser young man than I imagined.
I treasure the ways I’m still blessed to encounter that body of Christ.
I treasure the desire in  my heart to be that person again.
I infinitely treasure that I was ever that person.
I treasure the moments I make time to write now.

I treasure every vivid memory I have of the beautiful people of India. I treasure that my heart longs to bring an orphaned child from there into our family.
I treasure all the ways Amelie is growing everyday.
I treasure the moments that she doesn’t want me to put her down; the moments she looks for me when in the arms of someone else.
I treasure the reminders on my body that she came from me.
I treasure the hope I still have for birth & the memory I have of labour.

I treasure that my heart & my hope are not lost. I treasure that they are restored & redeemed, even if slowly so.
I treasure that I think about the importance of the big things, small things, world-changing things, and irrelevant things.

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