Humility.

I wrote this post more than a month ago.
I’ve avoided posting it for more than a month. No more.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Humility.

It feels impossible to me, yet I know it’s what I most desperately need.

I’ve been aching to know how people learn the things I’ve been learning about the way our system works and don’t become destructively cynical.

It’s certainly stirred anger in me, as well as caused devastation in my heart, to discover truth about things so horribly broken.

Often times, hurt creates passion
{insert something here about a woman scorned…}

Passion leads me to an intense desire to share truth.
{Especially if I’ve had to really dig to find truth myself.}

I’m so far off the scale for “normal” these days.
In the way I think about & approach every single “important” topic.

++++++++++++++ Pause for a sidenote… +++++++++++
I need to take a moment to thank God & praise Jesus for the wonderful husband He’s given me who’s also way out there on all these things. Thank you, Lord, for a husband who knows & understands me, who you pour your love through into my life. Thank you, God, for a man who leads me lovingly to Truth, to You. Thank you for an equally yoked mate.
…………………… And, resume …………………….

In being so outside the norm, living in this tension, as we discover what it means for us to live & breathe – be in this world & not of it – I’m finding it increasingly difficult to talk to people.

No, I don’t even begin to share your political views.

{In fact, unfortunately, we probably aren’t even speaking the same language.}

No, I don’t think that’s how we’re supposed to care for our bodies.
No, I don’t think that’s how we’re to interact with the poor, widows, or orphans.
No, I won’t make money more important than family.
No, that’s not how I define health, wealth, success, life, love, allegiance, freedom, “what’s right,” or even, Christianity.

Yes, I’m always, ALWAYS willing to share my heart on how I think the Gospel is to shape every aspect of our lives.
Yes, I’m always, ALWAYS desiring to be challenged about my heart and thoughts in all of these areas.
Yes, I’m always, ALWAYS ready to try to speak the same language, to try to explain our understanding of the definitions of such vital words.
And most importantly: YES. I will still love you & want to know you even if we disagree on all of these things.

I do so struggle to know how to begin to have conversations with people about such substantial topics because my conclusions are generally so far from where people can start to figure out what page I’m even on.

I’m terrified of the moment that someone will INEVITABLY tell me I’m a terrible mother because I’ve chosen not to vaccinate {because that’s one of the most obvious culturally unacceptable choices}.

Because when I’ve read, when I’ve researched, when I think I’m “right” about something, I certainly tend toward pride.
{Pride that I know what I’m talking about, probably more than you do.}

Pride that obviously leads my heart in an unloving direction.

My goal and responsibility is to lovingly and humbly seek and share truth as well as to challenge those around me to seek truth.

And, sometimes to offend. It’s not my job to protect the comfort of the people around me, but rather to unconditionally love them while challenging their norm {and therefore, their comfort} in a way that will inevitably offend because I’m challenging their comfort, and that is inevitably offensive.
Having our comfort offended can be such a great thing, though, because chances are that if I’m really comfortable, I’m not pursuing truth.

What’s incredibly difficult about that is that it’s almost impossible to have our comfort offended and take it in stride.
AND it forces one into humility that one must either run away from or face & embrace.

But I have no idea how to even begin to do this the right way.

Which leaves me desperate to learn humility because that’s where I have hope to be truly in community again in spite of all the crazy differences I’m told should separate me from everyone else.

++++++++++
An added side note as I read this today to publish it:

We have all of these “radical” things that are forming the way our life works, shaping the decisions that we make on a daily basis, and changing the way we view and interact with our world…

These thoughts, opinions, and convictions that we’re passionate about.
But, we know we’re not right about everything. That’s where community is so vital… coming together in conversation to challenge each other toward Truth & Jesus consistently.

We’re certainly not alone in our radical world views… They’ve been shaped by passionate followers of Jesus & Truth seekers that we’ve been so blessed to know and experience. And we’re on a journey of seeking Truth ourselves as we passionately pursue what it means to follow Jesus. We’re incredibly hopeful for more community to join in us these conversations.

1 thought on “Humility.”

  1. You are so eloquent! I feel your pain and frustration. On a daily basis I find myself excited to share things I have learned. I feel passionate the share these truths. I don’t know the answer to this issue, but personally this is why I am emmersing myself in meeting and building friendships with more like-minded people who are further challenging me and sharing new truths with me. I think we share similar views and I look forward to getting to know you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s