Head vs. Heart

Since finding out we’re having a baby, I’ve taken a dive…

Headfirst into research. Reading, writing, processing, discussing, praying, listening, learning, & inevitably growing.

Unfortunately, the research I’ve been doing has led me to quite unpleasant findings.

Discovering the reality of the damage being done by the many, many ways we  do away with a need for truly trusting God by controlling every aspect of our lives.

Unpleasant findings about the depravity of our system & the ways that our love for money leads to death & destruction.

There are so many ways in which John & I are not like the people around us.

The more we read & discover, the more we see & feel the tension of
“being in this world and not of it.”
The more that leads us to decisions that exclude us.
Even from people that claim the same Gospel that we do.
Even from those who proclaim the same Saviour that we do.

I’ve researched & read all sorts of things about food, nutrition & diet.
I’ve been reading all sorts of things about medicine, drugs & vaccines.

I realized that I’ve been completely avoiding the books & reading about the ways to lead a child’s heart.

I’m incredibly impatient, see, & I’m pretty critical.
I have high expectations & hopes of people.
I can be painfully harsh with my words.

I am better at controlling the external things – diet, food, nutrition, medicine, etc – than those matters of the heart.

{Of course, because that’s easier.}

I’ve pushed back reading “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” & parenting books because it’s easier for me to focus on the things that are in my control… The heart has too many variables for me.

With this, I realized that I’m a huge part of the problems that so easily overwhelm me,

{mostly related to the consequences of our inability to trust & our constant pursuit of control…. as a culture, society, people, world…}.

The health of the body matters so little in comparison to the health of one’s heart.

{& so often depends upon the heart health as well…}

I find myself realizing my fault in all of this as I see that I’m to blame.

I’m to blame in focusing on what’s easy to control instead of controlling my focus on what’s most important to change.

I’m to blame in perpetuating a culture of control by starting there instead of starting with what matters most.

I realized this most deeply as I read in Proverbs recently:

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb : sweetness to the soul & health to the body.”

Precious Jesus,
Help me see that your grace is enough for me.
Help my heart understand that I can’t do it perfectly,
& that I desperately need you.
Give me strength to replace my harsh responses with gracious ones.
Help me bring health to my community with your grace & love.

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