Identity Crisis.

The more I learn about life, the more I realize that most of our issues & brokenness can be traced back to one specific thing: identity.

As I learn about all this Mom stuff: food & healthy life, vaccines & medicine, the birthing process, homeschooling, potty training, breastfeeding, and on and on and on…
I’m very aware that I won’t do everything perfectly.
In fact, my identity rests in the fact that not only “I won’t” but actually, I can’t.
I can’t be perfect. I can’t do it all the right way.

I will, inevitably, fail my sweet child somehow.

And that MUST be okay.

If my identity rests solely in being a “good mother” then life’s going to be pretty miserable for me.
There are too many variables, too many factors, too much messiness in this world for that.

I’ve often heard a response of “I just couldn’t live with myself if _______ my child.”
Fill in the blank of all the things that could possibly go wrong.
The point is: vaccinating or not, breastfeeding or not, {etc}.. You have to be able to live with yourself.

You have to be able to survive – and even thrive – no matter what tragedy strikes and whether you had control over the variable that caused it or not.

That’s terrifying, because, well, we like to think that we’re in control, & unfortunately, for many of us that’s where we find our identity – where our life has purpose.

It’s the issue behind the intense consumerism that’s {ironically} completely consumed our lives.
It’s the issue behind generations of people who have more hope in our government

{they contribute to & therefore have some sense of control over}
than in our Saviour.

{Even a LOT of people who proclaim to follow Jesus & His Way.}

I realize that my truly “lost” years

{post sexual abuse, before knowing Jesus}
were spent trying to escape reality because when it came down to it…

I just had no idea who I was.

I was a student.
I was a victim.

{Which I couldn’t admit, or face.}
I was a daughter.
I was a  girlfriend.
I was a friend.
I was a Sprint customer.
I was a Samsung phone user.
I was a MySpace junkie.
I was on Facebook before you.
I was a fan of so many “artists.”

I was __________________.

I was SO many things that my culture told me should be sufficient to define me.
And they were all true things.
But I can’t find my purpose there.
My purpose is more than all of that.
My identity is SO MUCH MORE than any of those things.

And so, failing and falling down does happen.
It happens; it’s inevitable.
Tragedy strikes.
Sometimes people are at fault.
Sometimes no one is.

And at the end of the day, you must still be okay.

{I must just still be okay.}

1 thought on “Identity Crisis.”

  1. So true, Lee Anne. I need to be reminded that I can’t put my identity in things of this world that are fleeting and fail me at times….but I have to instead put my identity in Christ who is never-changing and always faithful. As a personal survivor of SA, my heart goes out to you because I know how much it can hurt someone’s life. I hope that God has brought much healing and restoration to your life. ❤

    Like

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