Since being pregnant, I think I’ve cried less than what’s normal for me.
(Which I find quite funny since it’s a time that I’m supposed to be super emotional.)
Recently, John & I watched a film from the 90’s that I remembered when I ran across it in Netflix.
Starring Jodie Foster & Liam Neeson, it’s called “Nell.”
I cried a little near the end of the movie… just one tear down the cheek.
We finished the movie & I quickly checked my email before bed.
John’s parents have been doing research about the effects of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill… & they’ve decided to move.
Let’s repeat that:
(imagine with me, if you will, the cinematic music accompanying terrible announcements like this one.)
Mama & Papa Roque are moving. *dun dun dun*
The night we watched “Nell,” I got an email from them with a picture.
At almost midnight. It was a listing for a house. In Tennesee.
My sister called last week to tell me that she’s moving. (Her husband got a job at Google.)
She’ll no longer be a 7 hour drive away, but rather, a 6-7 hour flight.
John’s Grandmother, Marne, isn’t doing very well.
We’ve had to think about & consider that she might not make it to Baby Roque’s birthday.
I imagined that some of John’s siblings (if not all the boys) will go with their parents to Tennessee.
This was confirmed by the “family meeting” we had to discuss the whole “plan.”
The boys are going.
Dana’s staying. I’m so, so glad Dana will be near.
All of this really hit me when I saw the picture of the Tennessee house John’s parents are considering.
It was midnight. I cried a whole heap of tears. Tears on my pillow, tears on John’s chest, tears on the sheet, tears on the comforter, tears all down my face, tears really all over the place.
What makes anyone think it’s okay to leave when we’re having our first baby?!
This last 6 months, living in Lakeland, has been the roughest ever as far as lacking community.
Community is so essential for us & we feel the ache for it.
We have felt it so deeply in the last 6 months.
It’s been great for us as newlyweds being forced to ‘cleave’ as we’ve been together in this new place, most of the time really only having each other to be ourselves around, to be vulnerable with, & accountable to.
I’ve been SO grateful that our whole family is so close.
Even more so when we found out we were pregnant…
Almost our whole family would be around when we have our first baby. How precious is that?
John & I agreed on Lakeland because we wanted try to stay as local to Orlando as possible while all the family is here (minus my sister having been in Atlanta) and now, almost everyone’s leaving.
I can’t believe it.
It feels like we’re being abandoned, & I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m confused.
Tears For Baby
I so wanted Baby Roque to be surrounded by family from a young age.
To have aunts, uncles, & grandparents around a lot!
I’ve pictured the moments surrounding the moment that Baby Roque arrives in this world…
Our whole families anxiously awaiting in the living room of the birthing center…
Hearing Baby’s first sounds, family taking turns holding this precious teeny tiny little life.
I’ve pictured, with joyful tears in my eyes, this little baby being loved on by family, so much, so often.
How lucky, how blessed to have almost everyone within 100 miles of us?
Baby Roque would know his/her aunts & uncles, & grandparents so well.
There wouldn’t be a shortage of love for this little one from extended family.
We can’t afford to visit Tennessee & California regularly.
It’s quite an event to get all the family together in Orlando when everyone lives there.
I can’t imagine how difficult it will be to schedule if we’re all in different places.
So, Baby Roquemore goes from seeing family really often, at least 2-3 times per month, to seeing family maybe that many times per year.
What I need here is Grace. And Wisdom.
What I have here, all I have here, is tears.