Tears.

Since being pregnant, I think I’ve cried less than what’s normal for me.
(Which I find quite funny since it’s a time that I’m supposed to be super emotional.)

Recently, John & I watched a film from the 90’s that I remembered when I ran across it in Netflix.
Starring Jodie Foster & Liam Neeson, it’s called “Nell.”
I cried a little near the end of the movie… just one tear down the cheek.
We finished the movie & I quickly checked my email before bed.

Parents
John’s parents have been doing research about the effects of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill… & they’ve decided to move.

Let’s repeat that:
(imagine with me, if you will, the cinematic music accompanying terrible announcements like this one.)
Mama & Papa Roque are moving. *dun dun dun*

The night we watched “Nell,” I got an email from them with a picture.
At almost midnight. It was a listing for a house. In Tennesee.

Sister
My sister called last week to tell me that she’s moving. (Her husband got a job at Google.)
She’ll no longer be a 7 hour drive away, but rather, a 6-7 hour flight.

Grandmother
John’s Grandmother, Marne, isn’t doing very well.
We’ve had to think about & consider that she might not make it to Baby Roque’s birthday.

Brothers
I imagined that some of John’s siblings (if not all the boys) will go with their parents to Tennessee.
This was confirmed by the “family meeting” we had to discuss the whole “plan.”
The boys are going.
Dana’s staying. I’m so, so glad Dana will be near.

All of this really hit me when I saw the picture of the Tennessee house John’s parents are considering.

It was midnight. I cried a whole heap of tears. Tears on my pillow, tears on John’s chest, tears on the sheet, tears on the comforter, tears all down my face, tears really all over the place.

What makes anyone think it’s okay to leave when we’re having our first baby?!

This last 6 months, living in Lakeland, has been the roughest ever as far as lacking community.
Community is so essential for us & we feel the ache for it.
We have felt it so deeply in the last 6 months.
It’s been great for us as newlyweds being forced to ‘cleave’ as we’ve been together in this new place, most of the time really only having each other to be ourselves around, to be vulnerable with, & accountable to.
But…
I’ve been SO grateful that our whole family is so close.
Even more so when we found out we were pregnant…
Almost our whole family would be around when we have our first baby. How precious is that?

John & I agreed on Lakeland because we wanted try to stay as local to Orlando as possible while all the family is here (minus my sister having been in Atlanta) and now, almost everyone’s leaving.

I can’t believe it.
It feels like we’re being abandoned, &  I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m confused.

Tears For Baby
I so wanted Baby Roque to be surrounded by family from a young age.
To have aunts, uncles, & grandparents around a lot!
I’ve pictured the moments surrounding the moment that Baby Roque arrives in this world…
Our whole families anxiously awaiting in the living room of the birthing center…
Hearing Baby’s first sounds, family taking turns holding this precious teeny tiny little life.
I’ve pictured, with joyful tears in my eyes, this little baby being loved on by family, so much, so often.
How lucky, how blessed to have almost everyone within 100 miles of us?
Baby Roque would know his/her aunts & uncles, & grandparents so well.
There wouldn’t be a shortage of love for this little one from extended family.

We can’t afford to visit Tennessee & California regularly.
It’s quite an event to get all the family together in Orlando when everyone lives there.
I can’t imagine how difficult it will be to schedule if we’re all in different places.
So, Baby Roquemore goes from seeing family really often, at least 2-3 times per month, to seeing family maybe that many times per year.

What I need here is Grace. And Wisdom.

What I have here, all I have here, is tears.

7 thoughts on “Tears.”

  1. [NOTE: Comment edited for privacy]

    Lee Anne…I believe my husband, Matthew, recently talked to either you or your husband. I would love to get together with you sometime. I have similar experiences involving babies and families. Our families live in Ohio and it is rough being so far away with a new baby that you want to get to know their grandparents and aunts and uncles and everyone else.

    We also have struggled with community as a married couple. My husband and I got married 7 years ago and it has just been in the last year and a half that we have found true community. We have been attending Access and found that community there. Just like Carol said, there are lots of young families at Access and plenty of babies. 🙂

    I am a teacher and am free all summer so if you want to get together sometime during the day I am up for whatever. My phone number is xxx.xxx.xxxx or you can contact me on facebook or email. Hope to hear from you soon!

    Meghan Wengerd

    Like

    1. Meghan,
      Matthew did contact me. It was sooo kind. Thanks so much.
      We would love to have dinner with you guys sometime soon, or you & I could get together, that would be great! I’ll find you on Facebook & we’ll go from there. Daytime is great for me. 🙂
      Thanks again for the encouragement, and definitely hope to see you soon.

      Like

  2. Lee Anne, this moved me. I’m so sorry to hear how all this news is piling in at the same time. I can’t even imagine being young and married, so excited for your first baby, and finding out how much of your family is soon to be so far. I’ve been away from home for a few years now, and even without everything you have it has been rough. Finding community can be a challenge, finding people to connect with and do life together. I’m praying for you two so much and I’d love to see you so soon. We keep talking about it.. let’s make lunch happen, Thursday? Call me, text me, anything. I’m also looking forward to you guys coming to check out Access… I think you’ll find its a little glimpse of the community you’re looking for, at least I know it has been for me. (Plus lot’s of young families- play dates abound for baby roque?)

    I’m looking forward to seeing you soon.

    Like

    1. Carol, Thanks so much for your encouragement. We look forward to visiting Access, and we’re just being prayerful about where God would have us invest our hearts for this season.
      Let’s definitely get together! Thursday is a possibility. I’m picking up my first raw dairy order, and I’m not sure exactly when I’ll be done to have lunch, but I imagine by then I should be. Maybe play it by ear?

      Thanks again. Hope to see you very soon.

      Like

  3. Lee Ann,
    My heart aches for you as I read your post. I can understand your hurt. I was in
    Germany when I had our fist, and there was NO family there! It was hard but it was Gods will. We made it through. Just trust God with this one. You never know exactly what is going to happen. I am always surprised at how God moves. I finally stoped trying to guess what God is doing. I just ask for directions along the way. Hang in there, it is going to be all right. I love ya! I’ll be praying for you.
    Oh, I ment to ask, where in Tenn. Are they looking. That is where my family is.

    Like

    1. Rachel –
      Thanks so much for your continued encouragement! So wonderful to have a kindred spirit with these things. 🙂
      John’s family seems to have found a place in Nashville at the moment. His Dad is going to check it out & sign paperwork on the 6th, they’ll be moving at the end of July. Where’s your family?
      Thanks for the prayers & kind words. Love you too!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s