I’ve spent most of my time with people.
(This hasn’t happened much since living in Lakeland, especially since I lost my job.)
I’ve felt super overwhelmed by all the things I’m trying to do at once:
- Cooking – I love food, & I love the food we’re eating now. I feel better all the time. But, it takes SO long to cook a meal.
- All this baby stuff – Went to a cloth diaper demo. It was just as overwhelming as walking down the diaper aisle at Wal-mart, not knowing anything about what’s best for a baby you simply don’t know yet.
- Especially research about baby stuff. What I learned about vaccines yesterday has just broken my heart. I’ll be sharing soon. What I’ve been learning about lots of things, lately, showing the absolute corruption of the industry.
- Online Summer Classes – I’m taking them, in an effort to get closer to finishing my degree. I forgot how terrible the platform for online classes is… It’s a horrible interface with so many problems that it’s exhausting in itself.
I guess it’s just been catching up to me that I’m trying to keep up with all these goals I’ve set for myself, and then I take a step back & go,
What if I just can’t do it?
What if I’m going to be a sucky Mom? What if I never finish school? What if I just can’t do all these things? What if I’m never a writer? What if we never get out of America again? What if, what if, what if????
I need to chill out, huh?
Let’s see, what else has happened this week?
Mama Circle, Natural Parenting Meet Ups (Cloth Diaper Demo), friends for dinner, surprise double date (surprises for our husbands), sleeping late in the morning due to periods of unrest during the night, Farmer’s Market, visiting Parke Hydro Farms, visiting John’s grandmother Marne, lots of homework & writing for class, having Dad over for dinner, talking with my sweet husband…
For the first time since living in Lakeland, I ventured out on my own a few times this week & didn’t get overwhelmed.
All my ‘what ifs?’ are soothed in knowing that I can’t be in control, and that Someone much more capable is.
All my overwhelmed-ness at the magnitude of things I’m trying to do/be/accomplish/control can be comforted if I just trust Jesus.
All my fears and failures, all my insecurities and insufficiencies….
When I would cry, worry, fret or be upset, John would say to me… (in his best Jamaican accent)
“Every little thing is going to be alright.”